It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
