So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
