can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
