Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's rum buckets o'clock
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
