Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
