Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out