we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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