Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
