I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
