i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
someone owes me an orgasm
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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