On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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