bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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