Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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