Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
