Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
