I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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