im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she smelled like a LAN party
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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