dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
