wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
