So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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