If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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