Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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