It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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