Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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