I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
