the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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