just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
