Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
