This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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