just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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