i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
