Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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