there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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