____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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