Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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