My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
