I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
