Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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