I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
