She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
