the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My day in three words: secret purse cake
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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