dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
