So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
