she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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