i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
