i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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