come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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