wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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