after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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