my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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