We won't sleep together?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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