Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He kissed a someone with a penis
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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