DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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