WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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