so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
