I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
