I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize