So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
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SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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