can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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