I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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