i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
