Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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